| whenever the king rested, the population held their breath |
[15 Dec 2008|04:41pm] |
Nothing changes.. time like a track.
it just goes round and round.
____
today you were wasted all day.. welcome back to where you left! you watched in burges.. it was a really good movie.. then you decided to go out into public.. even though the weather is horrible.. you are yet to leave..
but you will go.. and time only knows.
|
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| A season vetted |
[22 Nov 2008|11:13am] |
It is not the attention that I crave, nor the feeling that I am loved. What matters most to me, is the idea that I carry, that my life was meant for something.
Over the last two weeks I have been re-introduced to the world of being someone's someone.
Though I cherish this feeling, of having someone care about my day. I can not help but feel alone, as though I am an empty shell.
I think about that song "whose gonna save my soul"
I am hopeless.
fuck it
___________
it is 11:18 and you are three B.I. deep, with 2 vap take downs. You spent the night with Em. you watched "America's Game" the story of the 2001 N.E. Pats. you have to work in 1 hour.
life seems to be a really good thing, but still you feel as though you are helplessly empty.
Ohio state played Mich. today.. it was a defensive battle early on.
You are hoping to have a good day.
god help me.
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| What gives a morning any sense of presence. |
[21 Nov 2008|01:32am] |
There are are few gaps in continual life; there is little that separate memory from fiction.
You can become your only hope, or you can sub-come to your last regret. You can be that demon on your shoulder, or that that heavenly voice whispering in your ear.
I am, I should say
still patiently waiting.
though awoken by the chosen's touch. Still left alone in the resemblance of hope.
I am alive, and living well.
though in dismay about my nature.
_______________
you took down that dead guy growler... and then wasted 4 rounds on Iron man, that just stopped playing as you typed the title. Right now you are hearing the sound of the TV going to static. that fuzzy/scrambled blurring noise.
you are happy to be involved.. but still are clueless as to why you are so weak.
you are very weak.
I try to control my anxiety, but I am helpless against it.
I am happy.
I have the perfect life.
trust me/
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| I guess a trip to hell sales the soul to the holy. |
[17 Nov 2008|12:35am] |
I guess the obvious introduction is a poetic statement. "I was a mere shadow on the wall, a non-existing figment"
Then would come the honesty. "I have found what I had lost in the very last place I dared to look"
typical structure... so very typical and of your nature.
____
Tonight I became once more the person I had always loved, and wanted to adore. I yet again gained myself from the gamble of purgatory. I am here for another round. I am alive, and proud.
nothing can take me down. Not even my own self doubt.
________
I am heading toward the light. That which shows me completely.
==============================================================================================================
today you spent the day with Emily. You bought a Purple Ski-Suit, and a Nuggets hat and went to boulder to walk around Pearl Street. Later in the night on the Piano Bench, you kissed her and she made you smile.
you came home and regretted leaving her. but found peace in bottled form. You still struggle, but you felt hope.
Today was the day that you regained what you had lost.
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| Reaching high enough, to pull the glory down for me. |
[06 Nov 2008|02:01pm] |
In dreams, and in play there is this part of me that can not be contained. A certain joy and quickness to relate to whatever bombards me.
I am the type who gets unsettled easy, and quickly detached. I am the alienator.
I have become happy with this trait, it is a sign of my decay. I seem to treasure this decline.
I see it as "falling from a building, knowing you are gone die.. would you scream? would you pray? or would you smile?"
In the world beyond ours, I am happy. Inside the walls of buildings, you can not call home. I am happy there waiting.
When reality is not aware, I am there content and praising.
I am me.
I do not need.
simply placed... I am happy in dreams. (i would smile)
_____________________
a 12 and 2 blazes by 2. Skipped school. tried to rap. you currently feel like you are worried about how people who see you being honest relate.. Knowing it has nothing to do with them. you just now realize. Make it Private.
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| about knowing, you are the only one who ever really mattered |
[04 Nov 2008|05:49pm] |
18 is the new number. Noticing happiness amongst you're bitterness is the change. Today is the day that America votes for a new leader.. and today also was the day that you continued your habits.
At this moment you display very little ambition toward the world. You realized that your neighbors are not the source of your happiness, and strangers across the world are not important. All that matters is that you are happy. Living, alive, and trying.
Though with that said, it's a choice. you get to decide what you wanna be, and how much value to place upon yourself.
I could be world famous, hate myself and never be happy.
or
I could be content, thrilled, and lonely.
My choice is to pursue a life style i Approve of.
I am happy alone. I am happy doing nothing. I am fine.
I just gotta be.
No need for you.
____
it was election day. Your dad came home at 6 and went to Vote. You woke up around 11 and thought about them booze's. what an addict. After watching some TV and drinking a 6 pack you got another 12, and watched more TV. Today was a good though, cause you realized that you do not have to be seen to be. Life is about accepting yourself... nothing else. you are not anything you do not wanna be.
a monk in a monastery.
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| Cutting off more then what's apparent |
[03 Nov 2008|01:04am] |
You have ended all ambition at this point. Alienated friends, and made the future seem impossible.
A lack of love.. an "empty cavity"
____
you are still hurting over your behavior on the 31st. Drank a solid box, after going to dinner with my family. You are horrible.
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| At night you see yourself, being something darker then what you imagined |
[01 Nov 2008|11:21am] |
Last night i was happy. falling on the floor and being ignored. I wandered the streets of Denver and thought of how lonely I really was. I ended up asleep on the floor of a house I had never been to; After a receiving a ride from a couple, with a beautiful young Asian girl sitting on my lap, and holding me like a lover. The downside of the night was that I lost my necklace. "my life around my neck" has been given to the cosmos.
I made a huge mistake, and i currently feel like I am living a nightmare.. I am all alone.. and my dreams aren't helping.
I got nothing to lose cause everything left me.
_____
I am awake at 9 and done by 11.
everyone has someone, and I have the bottle.
Today doesn't feel good.
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| In a sense the dead get the best of it. |
[28 Oct 2008|01:53am] |
I have always thought that I am a muse in some sense. It seems that everyone I meet ends up being better off. I am like the peak of a mountain that hasn't been climbed before. People who meet me feel like they can do anything. Since after all, i am a mystery.. a plain and simple, apparent "mystery"
I remember back in the day when i thought that my sole existence was to be a source of guidance to people who didn't need me.
now i feel like I am someone who was abandoned. It is a shame but I cannot help but feel discouraged.
Life is not as fair as my my youth once made it appear. There are dilemmas that dig deep and problems never confronted.
I wish I could have my life back... I really wish I could be happy.
_____
Today you woke up and drank 3 Steel Reserve's, went to work made 21 dollars then bought a 40 and a 12 pack. You finished off the 40 and 6 beers from the 12 pack. smoked some weed then passed out til 10 o'clock. you watched scare tactics for a while and then went to the liquor store and bought a camo. You drank 6 more beers and then smoked 3 bowls. you added yourself to the Onion personals. You wore that Underdog shirt that your mother bought you. this is I think the third day you wore that shirt.
It is 2:01
you are holding a can in your hand. now you are putting it down.
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| coming back home, after years of leaving |
[26 Oct 2008|09:18pm] |
I miss my Florida life.. I miss sleeping on the beach, and walking across the docks. I miss the people who loved to know me.. I miss the life i use to lead. There was a time when i was happy.
I was alone and living life... and nothing could beat that.
There was so much going on... I could never feel defeated.
But times change.
I am now an alcoholic, who spends his days trying to waste it. I see what success I could have had; and i relish in my failure.
I am nothing to everyone..
I won't even defend me.
Welcome to what is pain is..
Please go away
----------
oct 26th 2008/ you drank 7 steel reserves and smoked one vaporized bowl. you watch the steelers against giants, cowboys verse the buc's, and san diego vs NO. you ate what your father made, green chile, and potatoes with avacado and pinto beans. You awoke and thought of the beer you had left over after dreams that disappointed you. This day you were motivated for boozes. Right now at 9:27 pm you are writing to yourself about what this day presented. Remember that you looked at the keys and that you felt like nothing ever really means as much as it tries to be.
Respect your past.. look back and realize where you're at.
Love is about learning, so learn as much as you can from me.. I am your past. Do not Relive me.
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| sierra 1 & 2 |
[16 May 2008|08:58am] |
You have always been the cage, that this bird has wished to stay. You have found your own special way, to make me crazy every day. Your voice is like a siren, your presence is like a ghost. You carry a beauty that surrounds you. You are the host, of what matters most.
You are like the water that becomes the mist, you are the fog below the fall. You are the clouds that become the rain, you are the relief to the summer’s reign. You are like raindrops on the lawn, you grow flowers and feed the fawn. You are like life to foreign beings, you are the breath I wish to breathe.
You are the sunset and the moon. You are the source of everything new. You make me dream of what could be, you make me wonder of things conceived. You are the source of all my wonder. You are the reason that I believe.
There is little that makes me worried, cause your presence provides me peace, there is nothing that I can't accomplish, cause you provide the energy that I need. You are an angel and a saint, you are something that i need.
You give me hope I never fathomed, you give me a reason to try to be. You make life look so easy, you give me faith to believe. You are a dream I wished to dream. You are like autumn becoming spring.
You make me hopeful of what I can achieve, you are the source of makes me. feel like human being. You give me light when I’m trapped in darkness. You give me room when I need to breathe.
You are the girl I always wished for… you are the epitome of my dreams.
So come to me with a softness, cause my heart cannot take more pain. Come to me and greet me.. And tell me you feel the same.
sierra 2 (may 17th)
You are the nectar that was never tasted, you are the dreams that were never cradled. You are like the wind that rattles the cages, you are the nature that escapes us.
You are like the warmth that comes in stages. You are the life that was never created. You make us seem like we are whole, you give value to what we’ve know. You are the twilight and the blessing. You are the birth of what we created.
You are the forest set a fire, you are the tree’s that refuse to burn. You are like the seeds buried into the soil. You are the silent witness to what we've known
You are the morning that becomes the dawn. You are the forest that becomes a swamp. You are the flooding in the region; that needs help to stay alive. You are the beginning of what is needed. You have become a log in the middle of the fire, you are more than a prayer, you are a blessing in the middle of the night.
You are reason I keep on trying, to explain the pleasure that lives in my heart. You are like a rainbow in the middle of a storm. You are the calm that doesn’t destroy.
There is a peace that rest inside you, there is a cure inside your bones. You carry a certain calmness, you provide the empty inside a home.
You are a like an angel sent from heaven… you are the reason I’m still alive.
So come to me in comfort… come to me with trust; Cause I know all about you, and I dream to learn what's left. Come to me sierra.
Let me know what you want, and need
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[05 May 2008|09:36pm] |
this saves me time. here is the list. (I don't have enough minutes on my phone to list them all)
DVD's
8 Mile
24 season one
28 weeks later
The 40 year old Virgin
300
1408
Airheads
A bronx tale
A bugs life
A christmas story
A clockwork orange
A few good men
A man Apart
A walk to remember
Across the Universe
The adventures of super mario bros 3
Aeon flux
After the wedding
Aliens
Alvin and the chipmunks
American pastime
American psycho
An american tail
Analyze that
Antwone fisher
Apocalypto
Are we there yet?
Aviator
Awake
Babel
Back to the future 1, 3
Bad boys II
Bad santa
Band of brothers
Baraka
Batman begins
The battle for shaker heights
Beast machines
Beerfest
The benchwarmers
Bill and ted's excellent adventure
Billy Madison
Black sky
Blast from the past
Blade 3
Blades of Glory
THe Blood Brothers Live
Blood diamond
Bobby
Boondock saints
Borat
The bourne identity
The bourne ultimatum
Braveheart
The brave one
Cadyshack
Camp/saved (dual dvd disc)
Cars
Casablanca
Catch me if you can
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
chaos theory
Christine
Click
Cocoon
Cold mountain
Corpse Bride
Conspiracy theory
Cruel Intentions
Curb your enthusiasm 3rd season
Curious george
The daily show indecision 2004
Dances with wolves
Dashboard Confessional Live
The Day after Tomorrow
Deadliest catch
Death proof
Deep Cover
Deja vu
Delicatessen
Delovely
The departed
Disturbia
Domino
Donnie Darko
Downfall
Dr. Dolittle 2
Dreamcatcher
Drop dead gorgeous
Drumline
Dude, Wheres my Car?
Dumb and Dumberer
Eagles: hell freezes over
Edward scissorhands
Employee of the month
Eragon
Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
Expelled (Ben Stein)
Everyones hero
Evolution
Fantastic four
Fargo/raising arizona
Fight club
Finding Nemo
The Five People You Meet in Heaven
Flags of our fathers
The fly/the fly II
Forrest gump
Four Brothers
Freedom Writers
The fresh prince of bel air season one
Fun with dick and jane
Gangs of new york
Ghost rider
Gladiator
The golden child
Gone with the wind
The good, the bad, the ugly
Good night, and good luck
The good shepherd
The Great Escape
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (Jim Carrey)
The guardian
Hang 'em high
Happy Gilmore
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry potter and the goblet of fire
Harry Poter and the sorcerer's stone
Harry potter and the order of the phoenix
Hellboy
High Plains Drifter
Hitman
Home alone
Home of the brave
Home Improvement 7th season
Hong kong phooey the complete series
Hoosiers
Hostage
Hotel Rwanda
House of sand and fog
I, robot
I am Legend (blu-ray)
I am Legend
I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry
The illusionist
ID4
Indiana jones - crusade
Inside man
Insomnia
Ironman
Jarhead
Jaws
Jerry Maguire
Jerry seinfeld live on broadway
June Bug
Just Married
Kanye west college dropout
Kill bill vol. 2
King arthur
King Kong
The Kingdom
Knocked Up
Koyaanisqatsi
La bamba
Lady killers
The last king of scotland
Lemony snicket's (a.s.o.u.e)
Lethal weapon 2
Liar, liar
Live free die hard
Living with wolves
Lord of the rings 1
Lord of the rings 2
Lord of war
Lost in translation
Love actually
Major Payne
Malibu's most wanted
Man of the year
March of the penguins
Master and commander
Matchstick men
Matilda
Matrix reloaded
Me, myself, and irene
Mean girls
Meet the parents & meet the fockers
Memoirs of a geisha
Men of Honor/Broken Arrow (dual disc)
Menace II Society
Monty pythons search for the holy grial
Monsters Ball
Monster inc.
Mortal Kombat
The mothman prophecies
Moulin rouge
The mummy (trilogy)
Munich
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
My boss's daughter
Mystic river
Mythbusters
Nacho libre
The Naked Brothers band (season 2)
Naqoyqatsi
Natural born killers
Never Back Down
No Direction Home Bob Dylan
North country
The notebook
O' brother, where art thou?
Oceans eleven
The office (usa) season 1
One-Armed Swordsman
Open Range
Out of Time
Pans labyrinth (at josh's)
Pay it forward
Paycheck
Pirates of the carribean
Pirates of the carribean 3
Point break
The Prestige
Pretty Woman
Pride and Prejudice
The princess bride
PS I love you
Punch-Drunk Love
The pursuit of happyness
Rain man
Raising arizona/fargo
Rameses
Rear Window
Reservior dogs
Revenge of the Nerds
Riding in cars with boys
Risky business
Road to perdition
Robin Williams live on Broadway
Robots
Rome season 2
The rundown
Sandlot
The santa claus
The Santa Claus 3
Saturday Night Fever
Saved/camp dual dvd disc
Scarface
Scooby-doo meets the harlem globtrotters
Seabiscuit
The secret (at Josh's)
The secret life of words
Secret window
Shark Tale
Shaun of the dead
shoot em up
Shooter
Short Circuit
Sideways
Silence of the lambs
The simpsons movie
The Simpsons Series 1, 5, 7, 8
Sleepers
Sleepy Hollow
Smallville season 7 (blu-ray)
Snatch
So I married an axe murderer
Spanglish
The specialist
Speed racer season 1
Spiderman
Spiderman 2
Spiderman 3
Spy game
Star Wars Collection (1-6)
Stardust
Stargate
The Sting
Suicide Kings
Surface (complete series)
Sweeney todd
Swimfan
Swordfish
Superman doomsday
Superman returns
Talespin volume 2
Talladega Nights
Tmnt (2007) season one part 1 of 2
The Terminal
Thin red line
Three Kings
Tmnt (2007) ninja tribunal
Tmnt 1
Tmnt 2
Tmnt 3
Tmnt original series volume 2
Tmnt original series volume 3
Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life
Tommy boy
Toy story
Traffic
Transformers
The Transporter 1 & 2
Travis at the palace
Tropic Thunder
Two Weeks Notice
Unleashed
Urban Cowboy
Up in the smoke/still smokin
V for Vendetta
Vanilla sky
Walk the line
wallace and gromit in 3 amazing adventures
Waterboy
We are marshall
Wedding crashers
The wendall baker story
The whole nine yards
Wild wild west
Win a date with tad hamilton!
Windtalkers
The worlds fastest indian
You me and Dupree
Young guns
Young guns 2
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| fas.. fas.. sis.. fac. fasi..sism..cism. fas... |
[23 Mar 2006|10:02pm] |
These are Executive orders signed and apporved to be used by FEMA
RESEARCH THESE FOR YOURSELF!
Executive Order Number 12148
created the Federal Emergency Management Agency to interface with the Department of Defense for civil defense planning and funding. An "emergency czar" was appointed. FEMA has only spent about 6 percent of its budget on national emergencies. The bulk of their funding has been used for the construction of secret underground facilities to assure continuity of government in case of a major emergency, foreign or domestic.
Executive Order Number 12656
appointed the National Security Council as the principal body that should consider emergency powers. This allows the government to increase domestic intelligence and surveillance of U.S. citizens and would restrict the freedom of movement within the United States and grant the government the right to isolate large groups of civilians. The National Guard could be federalized to seal all borders and take control of U.S. air space and all ports of entry.
Executive Order 10990
allows the government to take over all modes of transportation and control of highways and seaports.
Executive Order 10995
allows Seizure of all communications media in the United States.
Executive Order 10997
allows Seizure of all electric power fuels and minerals, public and private.
Executive Order 10998
allows the government to take over all food resources and farms.
Executive Order 10999
allows Seizure of all means of transportation, including personal cars, trucks or vehicles of any kind and total control of highways, seaports and waterways.
Executive Order 11000
allows Seizure of all American people for work forces under federal supervision including the splitting of families if the government finds it necessary.
Executive Order 11001
allows seizure of all health, education and welfare facilities, public and private.
Executive Order 11002
empowered the postmaster general to register all men, women and children in the U.S.
Executive Order 11003
allows seizure of all airports and aircraft.
Executive Order 11004
allows seizure of all housing and finance authorities to establish Forced Relocation Designated areas to be abandoned as "unsafe."
Executive Order 11005
allows seizure of all railroads, inland waterways and storage facilities, public and private.
Executive Order 11051
specifies the responsibility of the Office of Emergency Planning and gives authorization to put all Executive Orders into effect in times of increased international tensions and economic or financial crisis.
Executive Order 11921
allows the Federal Emergency Preparedness Agency to develop plans to establish control over the mechanisms of production and distribution, of energy sources, wages, salaries, credit and the flow of money in U.S. financial institution in any undefined national emergency. It also provides that when a state of emergency is declared by the President, Congress cannot review the action for six months.
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| THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE |
[27 Jan 2006|09:04pm] |
hello friends.
i have put up a song on myspace.. of my current musical project.
it is only the instrumental version. I have about 23 songs recorded. so soon they will spawn into a CD.
please listen and let me know if you think its worth putting out.
www.myspace.com/rossmartinez
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[03 Oct 2005|12:44pm] |
I have a house in denver.
220 acoma st. off broadway.
this is me telling you, you are more than invited to stop by.
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[12 Sep 2005|05:29pm] |
the only problem i am having right now.. is that there are no "firehouse subs" in colorado. yet i have been given a coupon for a free sub from them.. i remember signing up for it.. and saying "this is gonna be sweet"
but now i gotta get 300 dollars to fly to florida.. to get my free sub.
bummer
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[07 Sep 2005|11:59am] |
     
these are photos from Iraq, alongside photos from America
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[01 Sep 2005|02:40pm] |
congress convened on a sunday night.. on holiday to discuss if a tube should be reconnected to a dying women.
its been 5 days since over a thousand people have died.. several states have no power, let alone water.. and congress is reconvening..maybe tomorrow.. they're not all sure yet.
limited national guard, no army force. (looting, snippers, lawlessness, hunger, and disease)
but we are sure as hell winning that war on terror.
you would assume the governing party of the land would have certain reserves and procedures for say.. if a hurricane hit new orleans. since it is well known that new orleans is below sea level. its not to much to ask.. that our cities are prepared for simple elemental occurrences. (hurricanes were not discovered on monday)
and as my sister pointed out.
"if we are so prepared for a terrorist attack.. then why are there thousands of people dead and dying in our streets right now"
(and i know it takes a long time to get results.. but it also takes leadership)
maybe the gas prices, war on terror, the lack of response to katrina, education, morale, and just about everything else going wrong in america has something to do with the current government.
we need more control. cause i am sure the people would not allow this.. if it was truly the people who held the power.
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[24 Aug 2005|01:27pm] |
so "40 year old virgin" is probably the most... ahhh sickening movie i have ever seen. the fact that we think its funny to basically dehumanize everything in life, to me is not cool.
i realize i have strong beliefs.. but little conviction or control.
I am varying.
and thats all that seems to be constant.
(i still find few words to express hunter s thompson's funeral. but it is sticking with me)
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